After listening to my parents’ arrangement, I had not returned to my parents’ home for three years
In the Book of Rites · University, it is said that if you want to improve your family, cultivate your body first.He who would cultivate his body must first correct his mind.If you want to run a good family, you must first do a good job of self-cultivation;If you want to do a good job of self-cultivation, you must first correct your own thoughts.Being a parent, is the pilot of the family, great responsibility.Especially in families with many children, the parents’ ability to bring the family together is very important.However, some parents do not know how to cultivate moral integrity and manage the family only based on personal preferences, secular values and interests.They can not be impartial and unselfish, and treat their children differently, which eventually leads to unfilial children, brothers and sisters against each other, and the decline of the family.There is a saying on the Internet that the root cause of conflict in families with many children is not the love of siblings, but the injustice of parents.Indeed, the relationship between siblings is largely determined by parents.Parents are the bond between brothers and sisters.If they are well-thought-out, well-educated and capable of bringing their family together, they will be able to keep their brothers and sisters together in close harmony without any rift between them.In fact, parents decide not only the relationship between siblings, but also the relationship between parents and their children.The ancients said: the father for the son gang, the father is not kind, the son ran away.Parents and children are born by blood, but affection is made.If the father is not kind, the son is unfilial. If the parents do not know how to love their children, the children do not know how to be filial to their parents.Therefore, as a parent, we must overcome emotional partiality, first correct ourselves and then correct people, first cultivate one’s morality and then unite the family.Wenya (not her real name) hasn’t been back to her parents’ home for three years.There are many reasons why she didn’t go back to her parents’ home, but the most important is that her parents’ original arrangement really hurt her.His parents were ordinary small-town residents with little education who made a living growing vegetables for years.Wenya is the eldest daughter, with a sister and two younger brothers.Among the four siblings, she is the most sensible and obedient one, and also the most trusted one by her parents.There is a book that says: the first child of a lucky family must be a daughter, who can help the kitchen maid and take care of the elder brother and sister. The parents save a servant’s money and get married is another income.That’s the way it is.When she was young, her parents were busy making a living, and many things in the family fell on Wenya.In order to help with the housework and take care of her younger brother and sister, she not only delayed her studies, but also lost a lot of childhood fun.However, she also learned a lot of life skills and was taught a strong sense of responsibility.After junior high school, Wenya began working to earn money.From the age of 16 until she got married at 25, the money she earned at work was mostly used to support the family, helping her parents pay off the fines imposed by her two younger brothers and helping to build a house.Different from her conscientious work to make money to support her family, her younger sister, two years old, although also graduated from junior high school to go out to work, but her life is free and easy.My younger sister moved from place to place, changed jobs frequently, and spent most of the money she earned on herself, though she did give it to her parents.Moreover, when my sister was 23, she married far away from home.Different from her submissive character, her sister was more rebellious, and her parents could not resist, but repeatedly told her that she could not get married like her sister, not a penny of the bride price, not to marry far away.Later, she married, not far away, and received a bride price of 100,000 yuan.The bride price of 100,000 yuan was left by the parents and used as the tuition for the two younger brothers. They only married some simple things.Her husband Ding Hao (pseudonym) is a local of the county town, whom Wen Ya met when she was working as a foreman in the restaurant.At that time, Ding Hao was working as a chef in the restaurant.Ding Hao is an only child, his parents have jobs, the family can also.After marriage, Wenya was still very concerned about her parents’ affairs, and often ran back to their home when her parents called.At that time, her economy is relatively well-off, every time home is a large package of gifts.Every year to parents of the New Year red envelope, is indispensable;He never stopped helping his two younger brothers.Whether the third son married, or the fourth son went to college, she helped a lot of money.As described in Zhu Zi’s Family Precepts, “For many people who are interested in hiring young people to eat there, they are interested in hiring them.”At that time, the family’s economic situation was not good, but the sister and brother were very close to each other. Every Spring Festival, the second brother would come back to his parents’ home from other places. The whole family would be happy and happy together.However, to wenya’s surprise, her family’s economic conditions were improved, with four apartments and a part of the cash, but the affection became indifferent.At that time, her husband’s family encountered some changes, Ding Hao opened the restaurant also lost a lot of money, the family economy becomes very nervous.At this time, the mother welcomed good news, divided 4 suites and 270,000 compensation.Her parents told her, divided into 4 suites, 4 siblings everyone has a share.However, after listening to the arrangement of parents, she felt some chill, sister is on the spot and parents argue.Parents’ Arrangement Parents’ arrangement is like this.Four houses, one for each of my two sons, one for my parents to live in and one for rent.A rented house would be divided equally between the two sons, and if one of them was disobedient, the whole would be given to the other.If one of the daughters was disobedient, he would leave it to the other, and if both daughters were disobedient, he would leave it to the son.As for the compensation of 270,000 yuan, the fourth son got married immediately, and had to give bride gifts and hold a banquet…The younger sister was very dissatisfied, accusing their parents of favoring their two younger brothers and never thinking about their two daughters.The parents were very angry, saying that it was enough for a married daughter to go back to her mother’s family and divide the property, leaving a house to be shared equally between the two sisters.Later, the parents talked more and more angry, wen ya also scolded.The third son, the fourth son and the third daughter in law were also present. Although they did not say anything, their faces showed everything.In the end, the family parted on bad terms.When her sister returned home, she complained to her, “I don’t want to fight for the family property, but what my parents did hurt me too much. It’s not fair, but they insist on taking half a house and tying it up with filial piety…”Sister finally said: “sister, now this year, no one can be relied on, you will soon find that her husband’s home is not a haven, reliable only yourself, learn to be smart.”Wenya has always felt that there is no wrong parents, but the parents this time, really let her have a lot of ideas.Parents do their best to take care of their children, and children grow up to honor their parents, which is a manifestation of love, is a virtue, for her, is a matter of course.However, parents will be a house and filial piety hook, let her filial piety changed taste, the feelings between parents and children, seems to have become a transaction.As my sister said, it was originally a willing thing, but my parents turned it into coercion, or inducement, which is more annoying than my parents’ eccentricity.I haven’t been back to my mother’s family for three years.Ding Hao sold his house in the county seat and opened a restaurant in the provincial capital. In the following days, the catering industry suffered from “winter” and business was not good.To save money, she has been helping out in the restaurant, less contact with her family, and because of the environment, she has not been back to her family for three years.She’s still in touch with her parents and brother, but not as close and open as she used to be.Ding Hao knew that she was upset and advised her: “You think your parents are selfish and unfair, but from their point of view, their arrangement is the most in line with their own interests, it is not too much, why should you be upset.”Wenya felt that it was wrong for a parent to think only of one’s interests, rather than the unity of the family and the feelings of the other.She never accepted the arrangement her parents had made.Heart is and body repair, body repair and then home qi.A good family style often comes from parents’ words and deeds.As parents, we need to overcome selfishness and promote fair and just love, so that families can be harmonious and prosperous.You think Wenya’s parents set it up, right?–END– The image is from the network and must be deleted if it infringes on copyright.Thank you for reading, long click “like” follow me, bring you more wonderful content.